The Great Veep Rewatch
Reflecting on TV's Sharpest Political Satire
In episode 8 of season 2 of Succession, Connor Roy proclaims, “sometimes I think I’ll never truly understand dad until I shit outside.” In a similar vein, I’m of the belief that you can’t truly understand American politics until you’ve watched Selina Meyer shit herself on the steps of a frozen yogurt shop. Which, of course, occurs just after Selina’s team has painstakingly tried to come up with the most politically neutral frozen yogurt flavor for her to be photographed eating. This is all to say, I watched Veep for the first time four years ago, during our last presidential election, and that experience forever shaped how I perceive and understand American politics. And now, like so many others, major political developments led me to embark on this rewatch.
In the months since Joe Biden dropped out of the presidential race and Kamala Harris became the Democratic nominee (stay with me!), Veep has experienced a major resurgence. I imagine it’s equal parts people who were already fans wanting to revisit the many ways that life has imitated art, and people who have never seen it before wanting to experience one of our most insightful political texts at this time of major political upheaval. There’s always been a sort of superficial parallel track between Selina Meyer and Kamala Harris, mainly revolving around both of them being the first ever female vice presidents in their respective universes. But as Harris’ campaign has rolled out over the past few months, and as I’ve been rewatching Veep along the way, I think there are so many ways in which the show’s commentary remains evergreen.
People love to lionize and conspire about TV shows that have a tendency to “predict the future,” citing examples that I find more to be novel coincidences than anything else. But the reason Veep has always felt so prescient is because its political satire taps into something that is universally true for all major political parties and most major politicians: that politics is theater and the media is a stage. In that way, it’s a deeply cynical show, because watching it for the first time years ago, and rewatching it now, my biggest takeaway is how ceaselessly these politicians are willing to posture and put on faces for the public in order to accrue as much power and cultural capital as possible.
This endlessly power hungry figure is embodied by Selina Meyer, the spurned VP whose only real want in life is to become president. In that way, people like to say that Selina Meyer predicted Trump, that she was a kind of pre-Trump Trump. A bully and a narcissist who will stop at nothing to inflate her own ego. And yes, in the final two seasons, the writing of her character took a much more Trumpian direction (a direction I personally didn’t like, but which definitely felt like a reflexive response to the rise of Trump). But the Selina of the early seasons wasn’t some pseudo-fascist political curio like Trump was in 2015. She was a very recognizable establishment politician, the kind of figure who is well-represented in both major political parties. And the very pointed choice that the show makes to never align the characters with any particular party is not to incite speculation, but to make it clear that virtually all politics operates this way, that it necessitates this kind of craven narcissism. It’s a career ambition that, by virtue, elides feelings. There’s no length that Selina won’t go to to embolden and maintain her position. So much of the comedy of the show of course comes from the insults, but it also comes from watching one megalomaniac and her hoard of yes-men constantly bend over themselves to justify pushing forward through situations which they would be better off conceding, and shrugging off the consequences.
And for my misgivings about the final two seasons1, it’s because of this that I think the finale, specifically the show’s final conclusion, is some of the best, most brutal, most psychically damaging television I’ve ever seen. (This is where I will issue a massive spoiler warning!!! Seriously skip to the next paragraph if you haven’t seen the show!!!) I’ll never forget how I felt in the moment when I realized that Selina was giving up Gary. It’s maybe the most a TV show has ever made my stomach drop, made me feel like I had no choice but to sit in the tar pit of true human evil and narcissism. That sounds so melodramatic, but it hits so hard! I never thought of the show as having incredibly high dramatic stakes. I mean, the stakes are high for these characters because their ambitions are so high, but as an (especially American) audience, you kind of resort to this idea of the cyclical, ineffectual nature of the American government. These peoples’ fuck ups will eventually dissolve into obscurity in the public eye, and at the end of the day they’ll still be protected. Not to mention, this show is a comedy! Maybe the funniest, sharpest, most go for broke comedy of all time! The humor disarms the hell out of you. I never thought something so tragic would happen in this show. The show brushes with these real human stakes a couple times, leaving you with a feeling of dirtiness (season 3 episode 3 “Alicia” always comes to mind), but it’s never as brutal a gut punch as when the FBI agents come to collect Gary as he watches what should be Selina’s most triumphant moment, as Selina has to reckon with the choice she made to scapegoat the only person that’s ever given her the undivided attention and adoration she’s always clamored for. This conclusion really hones in on the show’s central thesis, that there is no personal sacrifice too great that a careerist politician won’t make to succeed.
Am I being too cynical and uncharitable about American politics? I really didn’t want this piece to be all snarky and disparaging of politics, or of people who believe in the possibility of it. Of course I still have hope that politics can engender real change for people. Plus, it’s hard to write about how politicians don’t actually have your best interest at heart without sounding all holier than thou. I think I’m just hammering in this point because it’s the thing I appreciate most about Veep, the thing that most captivated me when I first watched it and has most stuck with me.2
But of course, the other main thing that most captivated me was the jokes. If you’re a person who hasn’t seen Veep reading this, so far you may have gotten the impression that this show is a bit more dramatic, or uses humor as a way to underpin drama, in line with something like Succession.3 Up to this point I probably haven’t best represented what is by far the strongest aspect of the show, which is the humor. Make no mistake, this is an all-time comedy. The way this show uses insults, irony, expletives, and bathroom humor is quite simply poetic. Every time they say the word “fuck,” it’s like music. It’s like I’m hearing it for the first time! The jokes are inventive and ruthless in equal measure. I think that’s what makes it such a compelling satire, and, reportedly, the most accurate satire of politics. I think we’re so used to politicians, both in real life and in media, being presented to us as composed and respectable. It’s shocking and cathartic to see these people held up in our culture as paragons of virtue, harbingers of morality and justice, completely debase themselves in such a nasty way.
As such, I figured the best way to honor this iconic show was to compile a list of the greatest jokes of the series. I can write all the analysis I want, but at the end of the day nothing will communicate the genius of Veep quite like reading the jokes themselves. And who can deny, the people yearn for listicles! So without further ado, here is the definitive list of the greatest Veep jokes (and keep in mind, it’s about to get a little disgusting):
Season 1
Catherine (1.3)
Jonah: “I’ll keep my ear to the ground for ya.”
Amy: “Be careful your ears don’t pop on the way down.”
—
Selina: “There was gonna be a Hurricane Selina, and that would’ve been a disaster for us.”
—
Catherine: “Are we seriously gonna let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do?”
Jonah: “Woah, this rapist face gets eights. Consensually, I might throw in!”
Chung (1.4)
Dan: “Who uses ‘withdraw’ as a fucking verb? Besides Catholics and butlers, maybe the Israeli military every once in a while.”
Nicknames (1.5)
Selina: “Where is Dan?”
Amy: “Probably sending photos of his dick to himself.”
—
Mike: “Heard you only got two hours of sleep last night.”
Dan: “Yeah, well, with how many times you gotta get up and pee, Mike, I think we’re about even.”
—
Dan: “I was trying to use Jonah for intelligence.”
Selina: “That’s like trying to use a cwassont as a fuckin’ dildo. Let me be more clear. It doesn’t do the job and it makes a fuckin’ mess.”
Baseball (1.6)
Mike: “Hey Jonah. How’s the weather up there in your asshole?”
—
Leon West calls Mike: “Every which way but douche.”
—
Dan joking about Jonah being Amy’s baby daddy: “That’s gonna be a long labor. They’re gonna be pulling that kid out of you in shifts”
Tears (1.8)
Furlong: “I need you to go back and tell Selina that I don’t want her to endorse me for governor, okay? She’s about as welcome here as a turd in a hot tub.”
—
Furlong: “I think you might wanna get yourself a helmet, and a bulletproof vest and an iron jockstrap. ‘Cause you’re gonna get your head shot, your back stabbed, and your nuts danced on.”
Season 2
Midterms (2.1)
Furlong: “Screw you and the face you rode in on, Dan.”
—
Nerd 1: “You’re like Neo.”
Selina: “What’s a Neo?”
Nerd 1: “He’s from The Matrix. Everything he does is awesome.”
Nerd 2: “In the first movie. The sequels sucked.”
Jonah: “Guys, we agreed to let The Matrix debate die.”
Dan: “Jesus, I can feel my virginity growing back in here.”
—
Amy’s sister: “Always with the last word. That’s why you’re single, guys hate that.”
Amy: “You have three kids by two different guys. Maybe your last word should’ve been ‘no.’”
—
Mike to Jonah: “It was an accident, okay? Much like when Bigfoot got your mom pregnant, resulting in you.”
Signals (2.2)
Selina: “Okay, Catherine, you know that I am not a racist, okay? My boyfriend in college was a quarter Cherokee.”
—
Mike: “Ma’am, you need to make like a snake and get on that airplane.”
Hostages (2.3)
Mike calls Jonah: “Scrotus”
The Vic Allen Dinner (2.4)
Selina calls Jonah: “Jolly Green Jizzface”
—
Selina after Jonah says the words “meme,” “Reddit,” and “Tumblr”: “You’ve gotta get out of here, okay? Take all these meaningless syllables with you and just get out.”
—
Dan to Jonah: “You’re obsolete. You’re like an old VCR but with a bigger mouth.”
Helsinki (2.5)
Selina: “‘Europhobic’? Seriously? What is that supposed to mean, I’m scared of subtitles?”
—
Selina to Gary after he side-eyes her for smoking: “Don’t give me that Quaker in a titty bar look.”
—
Shutdown (2.7)
A garbage man calls Jonah: “Pez head.”
—
Jonah: “Oh god, there’s no way I’m gonna fit in here.”
Sue: “It’s bigger than your mother’s womb and you were in there till you were 15.”
Running (2.9)
Jonah: “You know that they call me Jonad? I mean, that is tantamount to calling the president Jonad.”
Ben: “No, it’s not. He’s the president. You’re Jonad.”
—
Ben calls Jonah: “the world’s biggest single cell organism.”
—
Kent about Jonah: “He’s an idiot. I’m surprised he gets to work without being hit by a car or punched in the mouth.”
Season 3
Some New Beginnings (3.1)
Selina: “Look at us. You pretending to be me signing a book I didn’t even write.”
Ben: “That’s politics in a nutsack.”
The Choice (3.2)
Dan: “You don’t announce your candidacy while the incumbent is still warm. That’s like trying to bang the widow at the funeral.”
—
Selina: “If men got pregnant, you could get an abortion at an ATM.”
Clovis (3.4)
Selina: “Jonah with money. God almighty, it’s like if Hitler could fly.”
Debate (3.8)
Mike about Selina’s haircut: “It’s the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy.”
Crate (3.9)
Bill Ericsson to Jonah: “If you tried to clap, you’d miss your hands.”
—
Jonah: “Mom, do you think that you could talk to Uncle Jeff for me? I want a job on my own merits and I think that he’s the guy to get it for me.”
New Hampshire (3.10)
Selina: “I feel like a Beatle!”
Ben: “You got the haircut for it.”
—
Jonah: “I wanna get closer to the action. I’m like a boom op on a porn shoot right now.”
Season 4
Joint Session (4.1)
Dan: “Mike trying to be healthy. It’s like a potato trying to whistle”
—
Selina: “I’m used to dealing with angry, aggressive, dysfunctional men. I.e. men.”
Ben: “Well that’s what we do best. That and farting during first Communions.”
—
Kent: “The only unthinkable thing is that anything is unthinkable.”
Ben: “Kent majored in fortune cookies.”
Data (4.3)
Selina about Jonah: “Throw him under a bus. If you can find one that’s long enough.”
Mommy Meyer (4.7)
Richard: “Richard T. Splett. Don’t know why I said T, my middle name’s John.”
Testimony (4.9)
Selina: “Gary had a very limited set of skills. Mainly I would say they are picking objects up and then putting objects back down.”
—
Mike, in the middle of testifying before congress: “I guess that’s why they say don’t work with animals or technology. I mean, that’s why Jaws was such a nightmare shoot. I mean, mechanical shark, forget it!”
Election Night (4.10)
Selina about winning Vermont and Connecticut: “Settle down. A bowl of hair could win those states.”
—
Kent: “It’s unbelievable. It’s still impossible to call. I’ve known sailors less likely to go either way than this.”
Season 5
Morning After (5.1)
Amy: “Everyday you have to do the one thing O’Brien can’t do.”
Selina: “Yeah, drive sober.”
Ben: “Take a shit without getting a hernia.”
Nev-AD-a (5.2)
Amy: “You need to file these at the courthouse in exactly 17 minutes.”
Dan: “Yeah, and if you miss the deadline, find a rattlesnake and shove that up your dick hole cause it’s a lot more fun than what I’ll do to you.”
Richard: “And drive safe!”
The Eagle (5.3)
Mike: “Actually ma’am, I have a better idea.”
Selina: “No you don’t, Mike, history’s proven that.”
—
Selina about Bob Bradley: “He just went into this Whitman meeting! What if he takes a shit on the table or something?”
Ben: “Ma’am, at his age, if he can take a shit whenever he wants, that’s a major victory.”
—
Selina: “Amy, is there any sign of the Eagle [Bob] or is he crossing America on a lawn mower?”4
Mother (5.4)
Selina: “The campaign’s over, I don’t have to pretend to like country music anymore.”
Catherine: “This is Tim McGraw. It’s mee-maw’s favorite song.”
Selina: “What? No. Mee-maw’s favorite song is whatever is playing in the background at Neiman Marcus.”
C**tgate (5.6)
Selina: “What would you guys do if you had to choose between your cock and your balls?”
Ben: “I could lose them both. I mean, at this stage they’re purely decorative.”
—
Selina to Jonah: “Hey, Hunchback. I don’t know what you’ve been doing instead of trying to win, but I’m gonna guess that it has the word anal in it.”
Congressional Ball (5.7)
Mike: “Ma’am, I’m getting a lot of press interest about Catherine and, you know, her condition.”
Selina: “What? She’s a lesbian, Mike, she’s not a werewolf. Although, either one would explain why she never shaves her legs.”
—
Mike: “No way, look who’s 21 [on the list of 50 hottest White House staffers]. Gary!”
Ben: “Who’s 22? The Elephant Man?”5
—
Jonah: “How am I not on The Hill’s 50 Hottest Staffers list this year?”
Dan: “This year? It’s the 50 hottest staffers, Jonah, not the 50 people most likely to kill themselves before trial.”
—
Mike: “Madam President, Tom James, 8 o’clock.”
Selina: “You mean 11 o’clock? Over there? Seriously, can you really not tell time?”
Mike: “Sorry ma’am. I just thought it meant close.”
Kissing Your Sister (5.9)
Jonah: “How am I doing? Eating so much pussy I’m shitting clit, son.”
Uncle Jeff: “Hey! This is an elementary school!”
Inauguration (5.10)
Selina to Tom: “I wouldn’t be your veep if there were a grassy knoll full of Jodie Foster fans in the front row at your inauguration.”
—
Dan: “First White House lesbian wedding? That’ll get you in the history books.”
Selina: “Oh God, I can’t take that much acoustic guitar.”
Season 6
Omaha (6.1)
Ben about working at Uber: “A bunch of dumbass millennials, you know, too lazy to learn how to drive drunk.”
Library (6.2)
Mike: “Hey, just so you guys know, you gotta be careful with sperm banks. Did you hear about the one in Georgia? Turns out the guy was actually a mentally ill felon.”
Selina: “Oh my god. Can you imagine having a baby in Georgia? Jesus Christ.”
Mike: “You have to pick someone you know that you trust.”
Selina: “Why don’t you use Gary’s sperm? It’s just sitting there gathering dust.”
—
Amy: “Andrew is very hard to get rid of. He’s like the herpes virus or an unwanted child.”
Selina: “In this case he gave me both.”
Georgia (6.3)
Ben: “I need a drink. It’s gotta be 8 am somewhere.”
Justice (6.4)
Amy: “If it was any more Kennedy-esque it would drive you into the ocean!”
Qatar (6.6)
Ben: “Second goddamn floor, I can’t even commit suicide.”
Kent: “I got a key to the roof. We could do a Butch-Sundance.”
Ben: “Nah, I’ll just wait for cancer.”
Blurb (6.7)
Jonah: “Why are women always checking in on one another when I am talking to them?”
—
Tom James: “This is my wife Alethia.”
Selina: “Alethia? Is that her name or is that the pill you take to fuck her?”
Groundbreaking (6.10)
Selina: “Lookit Marjorie. What do you think [about the library design]?”
Marjorie: “It looks like a vagina, ma’am.”
Selina: “See? Okay, that’s from an expert.”
Gary: “I’m not seeing that.”
Selina: “Well you don’t have any frame of reference.”
Season 7
Iowa (7.1)
Dan about Amy’s pregnancy: “Jesus, I thought you sent that thing to the 7-Eleven dumpster in the sky already.”
—
Selina about Marjorie: “I just had to get away from Blue Is The Most Annoying Color.”
—
Selina: “Why do I have to tell people why I wanna be president? I don’t wanna hear about their jobs.”
Discovery Weekend (7.2)
Selina: “An all-female ticket? I don’t think so. The American people work hard for a living, okay? They don’t need that kind of bullshit!”
—
Selina: “Where is Mike? Where is that fat-face, freckled fuck-it-up-agus?”
Kent: “Hiding in the bathroom, ma’am, making pretend diarrhea noises.”
Pledge (7.3)
Selina: “Can you please find me a real green juice somewhere in Iowa? I’m drinking Odwalla like some country lesbian who just got to the big city.”
Super Tuesday (7.5)
Kent: “Your unfavorables are rising past ‘accidental ethnic slur’ right into ‘men’s room incident.’”
—
Furlong to Amy: “Have a good weepy slide down the shower wall this evening.”
—
Kent: “It’s basically a two-woman race to see who is less offensive to the American people.”
Selina: “That’s the best explanation of democracy I’ve ever heard.”
Veep (7.7)
Catherine while footage of Selina’s funeral is playing on TV: “Who wants margaritas!”
And you know what, just for good measure, and because this is already longer than I expected, here are some of my favorite episodes:
Nicknames (1.5) - Aside from having that croissant joke, which may be one of the most iconic jokes of the whole show, this feels like one of the earliest episodes where the show really locked into place.
Baseball (1.6) - One point for beloved character actor and star of Mulholland Drive Patrick Fischler, two points for the most hilarious way they ever could’ve spoofed George Bush finding out about 9/11 (see photo above).
Tears (1.8) - This is the first appearance of Congressman Furlong, an absolutely indispensable addition to the ensemble, and the man who delivered many lines that I had to cut from my final list because they were just too disgusting and offensive.
Helsinki (2.5) - This is the first appearance of Minna Häkkinen, another one of the best characters who would end up popping in once per season to deliver some of the funniest jokes. Her dynamic with Selina was always so good, and she lent the show some really fun tension with her more honest approach to politics.
Alicia (3.3) - I mentioned it briefly above, but this was the most the show ever focused in on the real people that Selina and her team would make unkeepable promises to, and the result was genuinely a little heartbreaking and difficult to watch. Also I love the thread about Selina being made fun of on SNL.
Clovis (3.4) - Such a good spoof of Silicon Valley. Probably even better than the actual HBO show Silicon Valley, which I have no interest in watching.
Debate (3.8) - One word: haircut!
Crate (3.9) - Nine words: Selina finds out she is going to be president! I think this whole episode gets a bit overshadowed by this one scene, which is unfortunate because the entire episode is truly hilarious. But that one scene may be the hardest I’ve ever laughed in disbelief at a sitcom. Seeing Julia Louis Dreyfus and Tony Hale so obviously break with each other is such a delight.
Testimony (4.9) - The show didn’t often break form, but when it did it was so exciting to watch. Also I loved how the writers clearly used this episode as an excuse to unload all the Jonah insults that they had stockpiled but hadn’t found places for anywhere else.
Mother (5.4) - Harrowing!
Kissing Your Sister (5.9) - Another example of the show breaking form in a really fun way. And the throughline of Catherine falling in love with Marjorie is really unexpectedly sweet.
Discovery Weekend (7.2) - Seasons 6 and 7 are a little rough, and pretty light on stand-out moments, but this episode was a fun little diversion. Also, one of the wells that the show often returned to for an easy joke was this idea that DC is run by closeted gay men, so it was fun to see that idea on full display in this episode.
Veep (7.7) - I already talked extensively about this finale, but it is just so good. I didn’t mention the flash-forward scene at the end, which could’ve been so hokey but which I actually loved. It was fun to see everyone reconvene in the future at Selina’s funeral. Gary paying his respects to Selina genuinely made me tear up both times I watched the episode, and the brief appearance by Andrew was unsettling and unnerving in a way I can’t really describe? Also the final joke about Tom Hanks’ death, calling back to the very first episode was just *chefs kiss*.
Thank you for reading! If you haven’t seen Veep and somehow made it to the end of this, well that’s just a little insane. Do watch it! I will send you all off with this, my favorite Emmy acceptance speech of all time.
Primarily the flanderization of virtually every character; Selina going from cold careerist to literally Donald Trump, Mike going from bumbling goof to man utterly incapable of carrying out basic human functions, Jonah going from gross and dorky ladies man to… sister-kisser? (completely unrelated to season 5 episode 9 “Kissing Your Sister,” to be clear). Not to mention the humor in these two seasons leaned a little too far into punching down. Not that there weren’t still some incredible jokes and moments throughout those seasons, but I think my biggest problem with them is the abandonment of the show’s narrative and situational realism and the push into the truly absurd and unrealistic. For anyone wondering why this change might have happened, the show switched showrunners between seasons 4 and 5. The new management wasn’t a total wash, because season 5 is one of my absolute favorite seasons, and may just be the show at its best, but still. Ok tangent over!
This time I’m not just making an unnecessary reference to Succession, actually! There’s a lot of crossover in the creative teams behind the two shows. In fact when I watched season 1 episode 8 “Tears” on this rewatch, I was thinking “my god, this writing is insane, I wonder who wrote this episode,” and when the credits rolled I discovered it was none other than Jesse Armstrong!
Extra point for the David Lynch reference.
I’m also taking this one as a David Lynch reference.